Life on Board / Doctor

Doctor / Main Deck, port side, across from Reception

… maybe you just shouldn’t get sick.

Just before the end of the cruise I ran out of band-aides. I needed just one more for a small inconsequential, almost-healed cut. This normally is no problem. In any hotel, all you do is ask at the front desk and voila! You have one if not four or five.

Needing that last band aide I headed down to the front desk. No, they do not have them. Really? … but wait, the Doctor does. The receptionist dialed the doctor. Good luck: The doctor would see me now. What? Huh?

Way skeptical about going to any doctor for a band-aide, I nonetheless walked through the doors and there she was – nice looking if portly lady and very Russian.

“I want a band aide,” I said.

“Sit! Sit!” The front desk clerk now lurked nearby. There was no reason to sit so I didn’t.

The doctor was on her feet and rummaging. Out came some sort of cleanser, and some clear tape and gauze. Now she wanted to see it, so I showed her. The cut was scabbed over and needed to be re-covered for its 10 hour flight to New York.

“SIT! SIT!” she said forcefully and with considerable irritation. She was ready to begin washing the scab with a cotton ball she had dipped in cleanser. The doctor was ready to doctor. I saw no band-aides.

I smiled, shrugged and left.

Now. This doctor’s reputation had preceded her. I had already heard rumors from other passengers who had visited that were convinced she spoke no English and had her own agenda (doctor knows best?). So, in the manner a veterinarian approaches a dog that is unlikely to have anything helpful to say about his/her condition, this doctor approached English-speaking people on this nearly all-American cruise with no apparent ability to understand English (so why ask any questions, right?).

Viking who is doing a fair number of things badly here in the old Soviet republic is making a complete hash of this, although it may not entirely be their fault. When the entertainment director, Henry, a German, was asked something simple regarding operation of the ship, he replied he knew nothing. “The Russians are the captain and crew here,” he said. “They never speak to me.”

Really? Oh. Okay.